Lesson One: Lingo

As Trey mentioned in the last posting, I can't believe this is where we are. I often look around and feel very confident that, in His all-knowing, all-seeing wisdom, God just got this one wrong. I can sit and smile at that thought now because I realize it is completely ridiculous and wonderfully human, so we are working on the assuming God is right part.


So, as many of you know, I have been a patient for 15 months now, and my precious husband has been at every appointment with me. Going to the doctor every few months to see if this pregnancy will stick, why I am not getting pregnant, and (my favorite) to search for abnormalities in my DNA that would prevent reproduction. After countless blood draws, uncomfortable exams, and many, many tears, we are no closer to understanding the source of my infertility, a term that, no matter how many times they say it at those meetings, stabs you in the gut every time. So, we sit on the cusp of joining a fraternity of people that we know nothing about -- adoptive parents.

I think this blog would be a great place for everyone to share in the learning that we have enjoyed at our meetings. Since few of you readers have experienced the adoption world, I would like to share with you some things that I have learned. Don't worry, if you get "the lingo" wrong, I will not jump down your throat, but, I am surprised at how I have realized the importance of using the correct wording -- for us and our baby. So, some things we have learned: Birth mothers "make an adoption plan" for their children or "choose to parent"; they do not "give up" or "keep" them. I am the "real mother" and Trey is the "real father"; birth parents are called the "biological" or "birth mother/father". You may find it silly that I am teaching you this wording, however you never know when a very sensitive birth mother may take offense as she did with the question posed by the unsuspecting prospective adoptive parent sitting behind us at our fist meeting. That exchange has led to my permanent vow of silence while at meetings. If I have a question, I whisper it to Trey and throw him in front of the firing squad.

As for the process, Trey and I are about to turn in our paperwork, go to our infertility counseling, have our psychological evaluation, and begin our home study. As soon as our home study is finished, we will be "on the waiting list." This means that our agency will send out our profile, which most of you will be in, and we could be selected by a birth mother. This is a thought that makes me want to cry with joy and throw up with fear -- probably not very different from those who have waited for your biological children.

Our prayer right now is that the birth mother feels comforted and guided through this difficult time, the agency sees our heart through the technicality of paperwork and understands our desire to be parents, and our baby(-ies) are protected. God is challenging me to place my concerns with him continually as the prenatal care of my children is completely out of my hands. I can only trust that He will watch over my children for me as I cannot.