Now serving number 203...number 203...

First of all, I will start by apologizing for the absence from writing that has occurred. To be honest, I wish I could say that the reason behind no new blog entries is how busy we are at work. I would love it if I could point to a new school year with a new class and Leslie's new position at her school, but I can't. No, we have not been too busy as I wish. The truth of the matter is that since our last entry in July nothing has happened. Yes...nothing has happened. Leslie and I worked hard this summer to make sure we finished our paperwork and could turn everything in prior to the start of school, and we accomplished this. What we did not expect was the wait that we are now having to endure for the agency to pick up our paperwork out of the pile of applicants. We were told when we turned it in that there were 6 families ahead of us that had to be processed before they would begin on any new families, but I don't think either one of us imagined it would be this long before we heard anything or moved to the next step.

If you remember from my last entry, I spoke of the comforting feeling I received from knowing that it was no longer in my hands. I was relieved that we had done all we could do, and we could finally just sit back and let the process roll on as it was suppose to. Yeah, that feeling did not last. We are tired of waiting. We are tired of hearing nothing from the agency. We want a child.

I am sure that sounds almost like pouting, and in a way, that is how I feel. Again, we were anticipating a wait later on in the process once we had finished the home study, but not at this point. And knowing that this is just the first of what is probably going to be several waiting points is not helping the matter.

At times, I feel like we are in this never ending line at the DMV. Sitting in hard chairs, staring at blank white walls, and making small talk with a few strangers who share a common goal - having our number called. If you have experienced this you know that the first part of the wait isn't that bad. You brought a magazine...you balance your checkbook...you go through the contact list on your cell phone and delete unneeded numbers. However, as the wait continues and minutes turn to hours you begin to question the validity of this system. "Why do they only have one employee working for all these people? Don't they know that every driver has to come here? They do this everyday, you would think they would be faster at it." Eventually, your patience is gone, and you begin to despise who you are now convinced is the most incompetent of all governmental employees lurking behind the counter. He has to come here everyday, you think, no wonder he's not in a hurry. As the wait continues you are forced to rethink all you wanted to do that day because you have no clue how long you will sit in this penitentiary of waiting. As a few of the people you have met finally have their numbers flash on the screen you smile and want to be happy for them, but deep down it is just envy.

We went to a meeting about a month ago, and the guest speaker, an adoptive father, spoke about how the wait was part of the experience. He said that you can't short-circuit this part, and it is a time for God to work in you as a couple and prepare you for the arrival of your child. All I could think during his speech was, yeah, easy for you to say as you sit there with your baby.

I don't want to be negative, but it is proving to be a difficult time. Ultimately we know that God is in control, and to be completely honest, I know that when we have reached the end we will look back and see events that were completely and perfectly timed for our benefit. But as for now...we are ready to move on!

We fight daily with whether or not to email our case worker to check on the progress. I guess I am afraid that if we do this she will punish us for our impatience and stick our paperwork at the end of the pile. However, I don't know how much longer we will be able to fight the urge.

So...that is how we feel. It may not be the prettiest of feelings, but all the same it is where we are.

I do want to make clear that we have a wonderful agency, and I know they are not DMV employees. In fact, one of the many reasons we chose to work with this group was due to how efficient they are and what a good reputation they have in the adoption community. We have full confidence in them, and I don't want the tone of this to make anyone think we are unhappy with them. What I do want is to let this be a small light into the world Leslie and I are currently living in. This world of waiting.

I know many of you have told us that you were praying for us during this time, and we continue to covet your prayers.

Who knows how long it will be before the DMV employee will finally call my number? It may be tomorrow, in two weeks, or in two more months. The silver lining is the wonderful fact that I am not sitting here alone. My best friend is with me, and together we are making it through. When the wait gets extremely difficult for me she is there to reel me back in, and I for her.

Leslie and I know that we are very blessed. So many times we look at events or circumstances in our lives and ponder in awe how good God has been. This is what we try to focus our energy on. The thoughts of all He has brought us through encourages us that He will also bring us through this.

We may not know when, but our number will be called. And the best part is that when we are finally able to leave the building we will have a lot more than just a new license.